


Sirens

by thebrokenartist



Category: Naruto
Genre: Everyone Is Gay, Humor, M/M, Modern AU, kakuzu and hidan decide to rob a bank, yes all the extras are naruto characters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-16
Updated: 2018-09-16
Packaged: 2019-07-12 22:15:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16004396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebrokenartist/pseuds/thebrokenartist
Summary: Kakuzu and Hidan decide to rob a bank.





	Sirens

**Author's Note:**

> Between an explosion and eternity, true art is fanfic. 
> 
> Words are nothing, but meaningless and forgettable,  
> Still, as the ink touches the paper, it's forever stained.  
> And once I submit this work, the data that contains, will always remain.
> 
> I wanted to send a special thanks to my sister, [Amaya](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pink_amaterasu), without her I literally wouldn't have the determination to actually go through with this work, since I've been telling myself that I was going to actually write a fanfic since 2011. Maybe earlier.  
> She was also the one who heard of the KakuHida RBB and told me all about it, and who joined me in thousands of conversations about the story itself and lots of Naruto brainstorms and HC's in general, that definitely filled my brain with crazy ideas and delicious imagery. Thank you for everything  
> And a special thanks to my forever [Itachi](https://itachi-maru.tumblr.com/), my rp partner and dearest friend, who did the work review and assisted me with her fancy vocabulary. Someone that even seeing my lame first version, encouraged me with her support and enthusiasm regard reading my things. Thank you for all the sleepless nights and all the ItaDei feelings that take over my words once in a while, as you can see.  
> Another special thanks goes to my friend, [Sasori](https://all-things-akatsuki.tumblr.com/), and her kind words and support. Thank you for all the laughs and for being my heart-shaped-box from whom I don't plan on divorcing.  
> And a thanks to everyone of the [KakuHida RBB event](https://kakuhida-rbb.tumblr.com/) for letting me be a part of something special.  
> Another thanks goes for you, reader, more than eternal or explosive, art is only real when shared, and I feel honoured to share my words with all of you. Feel free to leave your thoughts and comments, I'd love to read it all.
> 
>  
> 
> True art is an explosion that lasts forever in the eyes of those who see.

 

As sun slowly began to set Hidan anxiously checked the huge analog clock that was displayed at the entrance of the big bank. Chewing a wad of cheap gum that Kakuzu had bought for him last night from a grimy gas station convenience store. 

He double checked the clock, suddenly taking a small black hair comb from his pocket and fixing his hair for the fifth time since he was standing there, waiting for a sign. 

Not really sure about what time it is, the clock was visibly old, yet well-maintained, as the whole building, and didn’t have any numbers in it. Even if it had, he never cared about learning how to  tell the time anyway. The clock was an excuse. Just as the, now tasteless, cheap chewing gum that he anxiously bit at.

Above him the sky filled with clouds, as if raindrops were lying in wait to crack that monochrome light gray surface, and meet his matching coloured hair, at any second the clouds would break. Hidan once again checks his surroundings, it’s a quiet and slightly boring afternoon, one that he surely plans to disturb. 

He notices a police car as it appears at the corner of the block,  pulling over in front of the bank; the driver carelessly invades the sidewalk, his flashing red and blue lights on, seemingly just another security patrol. Only that it wasn’t.

By seeing that, a mischievous smile changes his expression, not so agitated anymore. He stares the familiar big tanned man, coming out of the car, cigarette in hands, charmingly blowing up the smoke that dwelled into his mouth. Hidan doesn’t realise at first that he is holding his breath at the sight. This is the sign he’s been looking for. 

Kakuzu tosses out the cigarette and it collapses at the sidewalk’s concrete, still burning. He scans the surroundings with his eyes and pretends he doesn’t see the younger man looking back at him.

Hidan let himself be amused for a brief moment by how Kakuzu looked in his costume. His toned muscles stretching the tight police clothes of questionable quality. Really the entire outfit reminded him more of something a porn actor would wear than anything that might have been seen on a real policeman. Hidan can’t help but notice how tempting he looks in the uniform. 

Shaking his head, Hidan takes his eyes off Kakuzu and returns the comb to his pocket. He adjusts his green vest before climbing up the large concrete stairs that lead to the inside of the bank. This time, the older man’s eyes followed him, looking amused at him showing off. He seemed to find their entire charade very stupid, yet he could not help but be pleased by the vision.

Hidan halts at the doorway, he could almost feel the burning feeling that came from Kakuzu’s gaze at the back of his head. Next, he does something that he shouldn’t, and looks back to meet Kakuzu’s eyes. 

He didn’t need any knowledge of clocks to know that the moment didn’t last more than the time it takes to fire a bullet. Nevertheless, time is relative, and that exchange of glances was precisely just enough to pull a trigger inside his partner head, that drove him a while ago.

* * *

 

Kakuzu enters the kitchen, craving black, hot coffee, no sugar. The usually wrecked kitchen always needed maintenance, but never truly received any repairs. He couldn’t complain about that, usually he himself refused to spend Akatsuki’s money fixing things that would doubtlessly soon be broken again. Especially if the repair in question involved ovens and Deidara.

This time is no different, there he was, the obnoxious blond who recently seemed to be spending more and more time hanging with the not-so-obnoxious Uchiha. Talking loudly about things like revolution and liberty and everything that made the Uchiha gaze at him with attentive starry eyes. 

This time is no different, Kakuzu immediately sought out his mug and filled it with the coffee that Itachi had just made, still hot, naturally ignoring their presence; only one thought crossed his mind,  _ Teenagers. _

His white mug, was easily recognizable, decorated with the bad pun “ _ Girls Just Wanna Have Funds _ ” written in black. Kakuzu held it in his hands, his usual grumpy look on the face as he walked out of the kitchen, heading towards the living room. His expression relaxed a little with the thought of having some alone time to check out his shares and maybe improve their budget by finding new investments. 

As soon as he opened the expensive notebook, he heard a loud yell, and slowly Kakuzu lifted his eyes with a slow mounting frustration to look at the face behind the sound.

Hidan stood before him in all of his shirtless glory, and maybe that was the reason why Kakuzu didn’t snap at him for the interruption. Kakuzu lowered his eyes instead, scanning Hidan’s well built body, pale and covered with an unusually large number of scars.

It hadn’t been more than a few hours since Kakuzu had traced the lines of those pallid scars with tanned fingers, thinking that they were somewhat similar to his own. It’s something that they both share, their destructive qualities drawn over their flash. 

Tiredness pervaded the sulky man’s being, maybe because he was old, maybe because the nights spent with Hidan were always sleepless. He looked at Hidan’s eyes again, expressly displeased and anticipating what would surely be a long blab about some silly bickering that Kakuzu couldn’t care less about. 

Instead, Hidan said the only words he didn’t hate, “We’ve got a cash errand.” Before he turned around and started to leave the room, Kakuzu’s eyes following his every move. This time’s no different, Hidan halted at the doorway, looking back at him and saying, “They’re calling us. Aren’t you coming, Kakuzu?”

* * *

 

 

Kakuzu blinked once and the memories of the instructions received on that day were pushed aside, just as Hidan’s body vanished from his sight through the bank large revolving door.

He looks back at the vehicle, grabs the door handle and, when he is about to close it, notices a shiny object inside the cup holder. A badge. Hidan’s badge. Maybe it hadn’t been such a great idea to have sex inside the stolen vehicle, but then again, maybe it was, and he couldn’t stop thinking that it really was.

He reached for the badge and slammed the vehicle door with an unnecessarily strong push, trying to come up with something in his head so that they could surpass the first obstacle of their plan. He was aware that their plan wasn’t any good, but he was planning on sticking to it. Quickly walking to the staircase and climbing up the stairs, Kakuzu thought that maybe his outfit is too tight indeed, as he moved he could feel his every  movement stretching it.

The rotating door halted. It's sudden lack of movement making Hidan accidentally kick the door. The security guard standing nearby approaches with caution.

“OI!!”, the loud man yells, bumping his fist against the tempered glass. “Is this a fucking way to receive a working man?” He knew he was being too much, but he liked this act, and small spaces made him feel really uneasy. 

The security guard looks very young, and unsure, as though he had never been trained how to deal with obnoxious individuals. He was an easily bendable man, as if he thought any attempt to maintenance harmony, like fulfilling this loud man requests, is better than let him cause a scene. Even if, for that, he would have to ignore his direct orders and the security rules.

“What are you waiting for, hm? LET ME OUT, I have  _ claustrophobia _ !!!” Hidan became more and more agitated, quickly forgetting the plan as he shouted. Yelling close to the cold glass, his warm breath making the surface blurry. 

The young guard looks at somewhere behind the yelling man, nods his head and rushes to a desk, bending his body over it in order to press a hidden button underneath the thin wooden surface. Hidan hears a clink and suddenly the door begins to  move again, this time, by itself.

After a moment of confusion he looks back and smiles at the sight of Kakuzu pushing the front glass of his wing of the door, making it all rotate, as if they were riding an oddly looking playground roundabout. Kakuzu let this thought quickly cross his head, avoiding looking at the grey-haired man.  _ Claustrophobia… What the hell _ . The brutal mistake making his face cringe.

* * *

 

Hidan wore a satisfied expression, noticing the high ceiling and large altitude  of the building’s ceiling, stone columns coming down like waterfalls, everything coloured as the clouded sky and his hair. Shades of gray. 

The monochrome atmosphere was disturbed by the presence of wooden counters, wooden desks, and wooden chairs. Dark wood, the sort that looked even older than the stone surfaces surrounding it. Thinking again, that was a nice addition to the silver supremacy. 

A taste for the classics was something both Hidan and Kakuzu shared, it was religious, antique, luxurious, extravagant. With a scent of immortality. Kakuzu didn’t looked impressed, but he silently enjoyed the view.

He came to Hidan as if they never met, cleared his throat and extended one hand with the forgotten badge to the younger man. “It was in your partner’s vehicle. He is taking the day off and I’m filling the gap. Officer... “, pausing to check the insignia once again, “LeRoy.”

Hidan reached out his hand and, for a brief moment, both men shared the hold of the badge, their fingers brushing against one another. Hidan abruptly broke the contact, abruptly taking the document out of the other man’s hand, “Robert LeRoy. And you would be?” his usual irritated look on his face, but with a scent of teasing. “Alonzo. Harry Alonzo.” Kakuzu’s voice was deep and hoarse, locking eyes with the younger man, and accepting the teasing.

from the indifferent look in Hidan’s face, Kakuzu knew his partner once again had failed to understand what he was trying to say. Whiskey in hands, their yelling all around, on the counter of the bar, when he chose the names, Robert LeRoy and Harry Alonzo, he thought that maybe that was too bold, but judging by the age of most people standing nearby, and the lack of reaction, he started to think that maybe his references are becoming too old. No one remembered of the legendary bank thieves--he’d have to tell Hidan about it afterwards.

The bank was more crowded than they thought it would be, emergency plans were never good. Kakuzu liked to carefully plan before jumping into action, he was too old to deal with the annoyance of the unexpected, too tired as well. But the money, that everlasting temptation, it was never enough. All the luxury, the lust, never enough. 

The tall man quickly scanned their surroundings. He could see Sasori perfectly sitting in a line, holding a newspaper and speaking to an old lady, listening to her complaints about the current retiring conditions and other things that the red-haired boy probably shouldn’t worry about yet. He was the first backup man, he and Itachi, who was nowhere to be seen. Kakuzu was still having a hard time understanding how that team happened anyway, it was supposed to be the usual him and Hidan combi. The zombie combi, as the other members liked to call them.

Now they were most of the Akatsuki working together, maybe they were all just tired, and had jumped into the rubbish plan like he did. Or, they were all just insane, this hypothesis sounded reasonable enough to Kakuzu and he accepted that.

Next to him, some members of the bank staff, an angry blond girl that portrayed herself as a manager, was complaining about a improper debt collection call that was directed to the workplace of the debtor, and lecturing the staff on the rules of collecting debts.

On the next table, a blonde woman looking embarrassed, in the company of an elderly couple looking irritated at her. Apparently she was the debtor that received the improper call, and a younger brunette woman was defending her, in front of those who were probably their bosses. Kakuzu noticed that all four of them were carrying small beepers and laboratory coats folded on their arms, looking like they had left in a hurry. Kakuzu recognized the beepers and their annoying sound, and how you could never leave it alone, always ready to fly off to the hospital when called.

He didn’t let his eyes linger on them any longer, turning his head to the other side, where the tellers stood. Going towards them, they looked like a bunch of kids, abandoning their counters to talk to each other, particularly standing near one of the counters, where two clients stood, partially being attended, partially engaging in what looked like a quarrel. 

They were two young girls, one of them bearing an odd resemblance to Deidara. Their voices were loud enough for Kakuzu to hear, apparently the value of the money deposited into the blond’s company bank account, wasn’t the same as the value that was expected according to the calculation. She was accusing the other one of not making the cash accounting properly. 

The rose-haired one was complaining that she didn’t even work there and was just trying to help, during one of her rare nights off her residency, Kakuzu noticed a small beeper attached to her waist as well, and wondered if she worked with the debtor and the other individuals of the other counter.

He was bored already, leaned his arm over the counter and cleared his throat, waiting for one of the tellers to notice. Hidan was leaning on a column, chewing his gum, displeased by how the lack of taste made him feel like chewing rubber, once again he took the small black comb off his pocket and brushed his hair, almost religiously. 

Another blond girl walked to the other side of the counter, “Hello, sir, how can I help you?”, her words were kind, but her voice wasn’t very welcoming. “I want to withdraw from an account.” his voice was raspy as always, “I’m going to need to see your documents, sir..?” “Alonzo.”.

He picked up his wallet, caramel leather and credit cards, but mostly cash, as someone who doesn’t like to be tracked down. Took an old, homemade ID--a quality one despite its age and origins--and laid it over the counter. 

Hidan’s radio received a call, a loud voice could be heard, “8106, officer… Dick was found unconscious, his vehicle is missing, a tall, tanned man was seen by witnesses, are you patrolling alone? Over.” Then, he lifted his eyes to Kakuzu, trying not to laugh about the stupid name given to the officer by Deidara, drops his hair comb on the cold stone ground and pulls out his gun, rushing ahead.

At the same time, Kakuzu takes two well-designed pistols, out of the leather holsters attached to his tight pants, and points them to the teller, who looks back at him overwhelmed. Hidan trips over his own feet, but manage to stay up, rushing towards Kakuzu, holding out an old looking Tokarev TT 30 and aiming for Kakuzu’s head. The only difference between his pistol and Kakuzu’s was a carving of a circle with an upside down triangle inside of it, and the scratches that marred the gun’s surface. None of the men were especially careful with their weapons, but Kakuzu put a little effort into avoiding replacements.

This time is no different, Hidan yelled first, with an arm wrapped around Kakuzu’s neck, looking at the surroundings and trying to be as loud as he could, “THIS MAN IS A FAKE COP, HE’S TRYN’A ROB YOUR FUCKING BANK!”


End file.
